the ELLA echo

scan-tasia

the first time i had to hold ella over the scanner at the checkout (lettuce), i thought it was so funny that i almost dropped her from laughing. the next time (scan artist), i thought it was because i gave her the toy to play with before we got to the checkout. but now, i've decided she likes being part of the checkout process: today at target, she wanted the tube of aquaphor, which is understandable because i let her hold the aquaphor tube when i change her diapers, but she wouldn't give it up at the checkout lane, so a-scanning she went. this time, SHE laughed so hard that i almost dropped her.

i see my future already: ella will be the child who initiates all her classmates into the joys of xeroxing her popo.

an accidental AP mama

before ella was born, i had all kinds of ideas about the kind of mama i would be. i was going to put her in a crib to sleep, and i would put her in a playpen while i worked, and i would have bottles of milk stored for her so that rudi could take turns getting up in the night to take care of her while i slept. i had it all figured out, it was going to be a breeze, and i would be a model mother.

then my baby was born. and i learned that i couldn't bear seeing her lying so tiny and alone, crying her heart out, just longing to be held. and i couldn't bear to leave her in a playpen while i turned my back to do other things, because i just knew i was missing her do something magical and miraculous. and i couldn't bear to give up those midnight snuggles, nursing her in the dark and just feeling her little body mold itself to mine.

everybody told me i was being selfish, that i was spoiling my child and that she would never learn to walk, or sleep on her own, or eat solid foods. but deep in my heart i knew they were wrong, i knew one day would come when ella would decide that it was time to get down and she would squirm right out of my lap no matter how hard i tried to hold on.

well guess what--i was right. these days i can't keep up with her, she is like a little bullet shooting around the house, getting away as fast as she can and giggling about it the whole time. and she reaches for food on my plate, taking whatever i let her get and stuffing it in her tiny mouth as fast as she can.

but now, we stand at what most people consider the crucible of baby goodness: sleeping thru the night, in her own crib, in her own room. this time, i'm the one who is spoiled--i lie awake at night, watching my baby sleep so sound and peacefully in my bed, and i look at her daddy asleep beside her, and i am filled to overflowing with the love i have for them both. i know that I don't want to sleep apart from the two people i love the most--and i don't have the heart to make my baby do it either. not yet.

but the time will come soon enough. too soon probably for me. and i expect i'll spend those sleepless nights standing by her crib, watching her sleep, just the way i do now, so that i can feel how much i love her while i'm in the dark and nobody can see me.

5 reasons this will be my last post for project blog 2004

1--a baby suffering from seasonal allergies who feels terrible, can't sleep, and just wants to be held.
2--my sudafed/tylenol/ibuprofen cocktail is not affecting my own allergies at all.
3--the aforementioned cocktail is, unfortunately, blunting my muse.
4--i don't have any sponsors so there is no money on the line.
5--my other blog is getting jealous.

5 more traits i hope ella gets from rudi

1--his eagerness to try new foods
2--his sense of adventure
3--his intense curiosity about the world
4--his ability to read any given situation
5--his superhuman distance guessing accuracy

5 toys i dislike

1--toys that encourage violence.
2--toys that promote TV shows or movies.
3--toys that promote the interests or hobbies of the giver, even though the child has not expressed an interest in those hobbies.
4--toys that hypnotize the child into passivity.
5--toys that come in excessive packaging.

5 intangible ways ella has changed me forever

1--i feel an intense need to repeatedly apologize to my mother for every day of my life up to the age of 30, and for those first 4 days after ella was born.
2--i cannot hear about a house fire, a car wreck, or any natural disaster without worrying if any children were involved.
3--every soldier, every homeless person, every rude driver, every telemarketer that interrupts my dinner....to me, they are all somebody's children now and i wonder if their mothers worry about them.
4--i never fully sleep anymore, instead i just hover at the edge of wakefulness.
5--i will never again be able to say no to any child who comes to my door selling cookies/candy/magazine subscriptions/car parts/state secrets.

5 places we went as kids that i'm not sure about the names of and i don't think they even exist anymore but were too cool to forget and i wish ella could see them

1--that place on the drive between wise, VA, and myrtle beach, SC, where there is a building with mechanical fiddlers and square dancers on the roof.

2--that place in sevierville, TN, that had scenes from fairy tales (the storybook garden?).

3--the house in florida.

4--rim rock railroad, norton, VA.

5--the land of oz theme park, beech mountain, NC.

5 things about toys that annoy me

1--battery operated toys that turn on by manipulating some part but that don't have an off button.
2--battery operated toys that don't have a volume button.
3--toys that require a special area to play in.
4--toys that have decals you have to apply.
5--riding toys that are all pretty and decorative on the side that faces the parents but the side that faces the baby has nothing to look at except the screws that hold the thing together.

5 worst baby purchases

1--under $5: baby bath tub--she only took one bath in it, and she cried so much she threw up--since then she has just been taking baths with me.
2--under $10: a brand new, adorable pink romper with an apron skirt that fit her for one whole day.
3--under $25: jogging stroller at consignment sale--i don't jog, what made me think i would start jogging if i had a special stroller???
4--under $50: mechanical baby swings--tried three different models--the lights and sounds just annoyed her.
5--under $100: bassinet that i won on ebay--i loved it, i was so excited to get it, i made a custom cover with hand-dyed fabrics--she hated it, wouldn't sleep in it, it is now a terrific, custom magazine holder.

5 cheesy roadside attractions that i have loved and look forward to taking ella to see

1--the cars and music of yesterday museum, sarasota, FL
2--the world’s largest concrete prairie dog, oakley, KS
3--the garden of eden rendered in concrete in a guy’s backyard in lucas, KS.
4--fick fossil museum, oakley, KS
5--the burial site of buffalo bill, golden, CO.