the ELLA echo

my little taste of blissdom

this past weekend was the blissdom conference in nashville.  i didn't get to attend but i got to do something almost as good:  i got to meet some of the PBS sprout band of bloggers!

 
photo courtesy of shannan from mommy bits. 

these women turned out to be even cooler in person than i had imagined them to be.  they are intelligent, funny, generous, curious, and i am thrilled to be part of the band of bloggers with them. take a moment to visit their sites and see for yourself.  from left to right:

liza from liza was here and deep south moms, and her adorable daughter 
twitter:  @lizawashere

amy from milk breath and margaritas, a fellow nashvillian
twitter:  @amy2boys

jamie from blonde mom blog, another nashville blogger
twitter:  @blondemomblog

ME!  the luckiest one there because i not only got to meet bloggers, i also got to hold hands with a very cute baby.

shannon from PBS sprout, who organized the breakfast for us and who let me hold hands with said baby.

dwan from mommaDJane 
twitter:  @mommadjane

christy from quirky fusion who generously offered to help me figure out google analytics.  :)
twitter:  @morethanmommy

jen from 4tunate
twitter:  @quatromama

shannanB from mommy bits
twitter:  @shannanB

and jill from the diaper diaries
twitter:  @diaperdiaries

what i learned from my too-short visit with these fantastic women:  i like all of them, and i have a lot to learn about blogging.  :)

ps:  what i heard about the shoes is true.

IT SNOWED! IN NASHVILLE !

 

it's not much but for us it is amazing--we haven't had a snow like this since before the turn of the century! the most recent (and most often-occurring) big weather event here is tornados.  dislike.

this snowfall was a good one--we've already had our first batch of snow ice cream, and we've all been hit by real snowballs.  

this is why everything shuts down here when there are only 4" of snow on the ground:  5,600 miles of roads in davidson county and only 30 pieces of road equipment--that's plows, ice trucks--everything. after all, why have equipment for something that is only going to happen once every decade?  

there is also 1/2" of hard ice under this snow--bad for driving, but great for sledding.

 

this is how southern kids sled--in kiddie pools, because why have a sled when you're only going to get real snow once every decade?

but in the south, when you get your first real snow, your daddy will drag you back and forth in your tiny, urban side yard and be happy for the privilege because each time he'll get to hear this:

december was a full month

 

it was very busy here in december.

we made cinnamon applesauce ornaments

and a cinnamon stick cabin

 

to go with the two fun online classes we attended: one about christmas in the pioneer days

 

and one in which we got to hear christmas stories while snuggling on the couch.

 

we went on a wonderful homeschool field trip to traveller's rest, where we got to try spice cookies and syllabub, and learn to dance the virginia reel

and got to write a christmas card with a quill pen.

we checked the advent pockets every morning to see what bible verse the advent goblins wanted us to read that day, and to see what gift they left to remind us of the verse.

 

and of course, we went to see santa and whisper a christmas wish into his ear.

 

and then--on christmas day--ella got what she asked him for:

a wishing well "exactly like laura's",

 

a glade air freshener,

 

and a baby sister for dalui.

 

many other moments, big and small, added up to a truly special month for us.

it was the perfect way to end what ella tells us was her best year ever.

santa vs. jesus: no contest

we have a very rich fantasy life here.

fairies live under some of our trees.  no, we haven't actually seen them, but we know they live there because sometimes we leave food out for them overnight and by the morning it is gone.

likewise, ella's dollies can walk.  she hasn't actually seen them do it, but she knows they do because any dolly that is still in the living room when she goes to bed each night will get up and do something fun while she's sleeping, like play with blocks or have school.

  

but there is someone special who does things even greater than that.  he loves every child, he can look into their hearts and knows their most secret wishes and needs. he sees everything a child does and he rewards each one according to the way they live and the things they do.  he can be everywhere, he can see everything, there is no place a child can hide from him.  he is eternal, and is the embodiment of love.

i'm talking, of course, about santa.  :)

you see, as catholic christians we welcome santa into our christmas season.  after all, if my child can't believe that a man who lives in a land she has never seen can fly all around the world in a single night in a sleigh drawn by magic reindeer, leaving gifts for children simply because he loves them and wants them to be happy, even though she has never actually seen him do these things...

how can she be expected to believe that a teenage palestinian virgin peasant gave birth to the son of god?  how could she possibly believe that the savior of the world willingly became a mere human and then let us, his creatures, kill him--then in secret raised himself from the dead--all simply because he loves us and wants us to have the gift of eternal life? 

so this advent as in years past, we'll visit santa and ella will whisper a christmas wish to him.  we'll also put up a nativity scene and we'll pray at the foot of the manger.  we'll believe that love abounds and that it often comes from unexpected places.  and we'll let ella practice sharing and receiving the spirit of christmas wherever it can be found.  even if there is an elf involved.

taking it slow, so we can all enjoy the ride

 

in a bit of shameless self-promotion, i'd like to point out the new button on the left sidebar.  i'm now a member of the sprout for parents band of bloggers!

i know what you're thinking:  ella's not a preschooler.  

you're right, she is a registered first grade homeschooler.

so why did i want to become a blogger for a TV channel that is aimed at preschoolers???

it's because the sprout channel, and by extension the sprout online website, helps reinforce so many of the principles rudi and i embrace as parents.

we believe in ella's innate desire to do good, to be a help to those around her, to contribute to her community--ideals she can see modeled on the sprout channel in the likes of the ever-vigilant fireman sam and sweet, loving caillou.

we trust in her intrinsic motivation and ability to learn from all her experiences, including the dreaded "screen time"--and sprout helps us by offering shows like the whacky zoboomafoo, the entertaining mama mirabelle's home movies, and the truly delightful franny's feet.

but most importantly, we cherish our child's innocence.  i'm not talking about naivete--ella knows that all living things die, that nobody can get everything they want, that not everything will go her way.  no, what i'm talking about are the things that make childhood so special.  we love that she still stands to cheer when thomas the train does the right thing.  we are thrilled when she reminds fifi and the flowertots that "you are never too small to help a friend".  and yes, we really do love that she still believes you can visit another world just by believing you can--after all, that is the exact same message most professional educators deliver about the importance of a good book.

on top of all that, we can turn on the sprout channel at any time of day or night and know that ella will never see a child roll her eyes at someone, never hear a child whip out some snappy dialog to put down someone else, will never be exposed to the notion that being cool means making other people feel bad about themselves.

that's right:  we are sheltering her from the popular culture.  :)  and we're proud of it.  and i'm proud that even though we don't have a "preschooler", sprout for parents has allowed me to be part of the team.  i welcome all the new readers who have clicked thru from the band of bloggers website and i hope some of what i have to offer will prove useful or encouraging for you.

ps:  ok, i'll admit it--i don't love every show on sprout. :D  in ella's very early formative years we conditioned her to believe that barney is a scary, scary monster.  hey, when it comes to her own sanity, a mom has to do what a mom has to do to do.

developing my character by eating crow

i recently became painfully aware of a huge flaw in my parenting that i want to share with you.

after the election in iran and the ensuing violence, rudi, ella, and i participated in not one but two marches in nashville in support of the persian people.  we wore green, we carried signs, we even learned a couple of phrases in farsi that we could chant with the iranians as we marched. 

we marched because we wanted to stand in solidarity with those who fight (still) so bravely for their right to assemble peacefully, for the right to speak and associate freely, to petition their government for redress of their grievances.

not long after the second march, ella got upset about something--i can't even remember what it was now.  she was complaining about it, trying to persuade me to her way of thinking, and when she wasn't getting her way she started crying and saying all the things that a child says--"it's not fair, all i want is _____", and "you're not even listening to me"--that kind of thing.

this went on for about five minutes, and finally i was so tired of it that i said, "that's enough.  we're not going to talk about this anymore.  if you want to cry about it, fine, but you can't do it here, you can go in the other room.  but i don't want to hear you, and i don't want to hear any more about this."

and bless her heart, she dutifully (as always) went into the other room to find some comfort among her brothers and sisters, and then IT HIT ME:

i had just suppressed my own child's first amendment rights.

<insert sound of record scratching to a halt>

i stopped what i was doing that very moment, went to ella, and asked for a moment of her time--i have found if i do that, she is more willing to give me her attention.  and then i said, (this is a paraphrase), "ella, i was wrong to tell you that you couldn't talk about what was bothering you, and i'm sorry i did that.  you have the right to talk about anything that is bothering you, and you have the right to discuss your concerns with me.  the only requirement is that we must speak to each other with respect.  as long as we can do that, we can always work things out."

and you know what?  we talked, and worked it out, and the whole episode was over in minutes.

i am so glad i didn't stubbornly cling to my "authority".  i feel that admitting my mistake in judgement actually improved my credibility with ella in terms of the lessons i try to teach about honesty and humility.  i know that it improved our communication.  and just as importantly, the simple act of swallowing my pride worked wonders for my self-respect.

there are have been so many other fruits of that moment.  letting ella discuss and even negotiate with me gives her the chance to practice her skills in persuasion, lets her have a chance to convince me of the rightness of her argument.  it gives her the opportunity to refine her logic, to figure out new strategies and to try new tactics.  already she is becoming a better thinker, because she is now considering in advance what might appeal to my sense of justice and/or mercy, and sometimes my sense of humor.

i have no doubt that i will have to repeat this lesson again and again--oh, the context will change, but the issue will be the same--my pride is such that any enlightenment on my part tends to happen retroactively.  but i know that in the end i will advance in character and wisdom, because i have never had a teacher like ella, i have never had a classroom like motherhood, and i've never been more motivated to learn.

meet me in st. louis

it is very last minute but we are going to st. louis today!  rudi has a meeting, ella and will go to the gateway arch.  she is going to cross the mississippi river for the first time!

rudi and i have only been in st. louis twice, once on the way to denver and once on the way back.  we only had time to stop for a bite to eat and a chance to stand under the arch (that's where the picture above came from).  i'm super excited!  ella thinks she wants to go up the arch, but we'll see how that goes once she sees how tall it really is.

so there won't be a curriculum post today--i'll double up for you tomorrow.

hoping for a safe and happy day for my own family and for yours!

 

eating in a pattern

me: 

"honey, is that another cookie?"

 

ella:

"yes, mama."

 

me:

"did you eat all your fruit?"

 

ella:

"i'm eating in a pattern."

 

me:

"a pattern? what's the pattern?"

 

ella:

"cookie, fruit

"cookie, fruit

"cookie, cookie, cookie, fruit"

a trail of breadcrumbs wouldn't have helped

ella:  "mama, i lost my chopstick, can you help me find it?"

me: "sure, honey, let's retrace your steps."

ella:  "ok:  when i woke up this morning i was still in bed...."

domestication: its a good thing

do you know what this is?  it's homemade ice cream.  made by ella and me.  in our home. 

first it was dishcloths.  then soap.  then butter.  now ice cream.  some of my friends, esp. my long-time friends (i'm talking to you, drew) are shaking their heads at all the domesticity.

there was a time, seemingly not that long ago, when making my own butter or growing my own food did not even cross my mind.  my world was huge then--it spanned practically the whole globe--and growing a garden was not only impractical for me but didn't make sense to my way of life.  after all, you can buy food--you can buy soap--you can buy just about anything and the people who make and sell these things are definitely grateful for your business.

besides, there's hardly any point in making pot holders if you don't cook.

but over time, my world shrank, bit by bit--at first it was limited to my own country, and then to my own city, and then a year ago this week my whole world was reduced to just this house--1200 square feet surrounded by a yard and a fence.

my commute to work now is from the kitchen to the dining room.  the only thing i have to pack before going is a cup of hot tea.

for a while i was a little concerned that i was not suddenly motivated to pursue all those projects that i had longed to take on when i was working outside the home--all those things that i always said i would do if, if, if.  i feared that i was becoming small, that my scope of interest was becoming narrow, that i was losing something of my identity even.

at the same time i was excited by all the new things that were calling me--i made menus and learned upholstery and started making our bread everyday. 

BUT WHY???

what coming home had done to my creativity was not clear to me until last night, when rudi made an offhand remark about the difference between designing rooms and designing cakes :D and then it all become crystal clear to me.

my scope of interest hadn't become narrow--it had become more focused, more distilled.  instead of looking outward in search of interesting things to make or do, i found them all around me, right in my own home and yard.  i started wearing and making aprons again--i recently started learning how to can and preserve fresh fruits and vegetables, i had a fresh salad from lettuce greens grown in my own back yard and i'm so looking forward to carving a pumpkin that i grew myself.

what i've learned is that there is a satisfaction and reward in the making of a home.  because of all this domesticity, this past year i've been able to do something i've never been able to do in my entire adult life:  i have opened my home, with pride, to a group of friends and their children on a weekly basis--have been able to offer them a safe, cozy, welcoming environment for learning and socializing--and i've been able to treat my family like the people they really are:  the most important people to ever cross the threshold of this home.

priorities.  i haz them.